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Oct. 24th, 2011

SM TOWN NYC (AKA THE MOST GLORIOUS KPOP NIGHT OF MY LIFE)

Okay, where do I even begin? I think it goes without saying how magnificently incredible that night was and how surreal it felt. I'm attempting to organize my thoughts, but failing because there's just so much to talk about. Just as an overview, they were all incredibly good-looking and awesome, some more energetic than others, but overall truly amazing. I spazzed almost every time one of the idols came over to the section I was in, and I was waving my hands enthusiastically like anything. I think a part of me was hoping they'd make eye contact with me and send me a heart, lol. 

I screamed for almost every act, including BoA and Kangta who I don't really care for but they're great performers, especially BoA who is a great dancer and so charismatic and pretty. Kangta's duet with Sulli was too cute what with them finding microphones in the oddest of places and the whole setting. The appearance of Onew had me freaking the fuck out. He was so adorable and lovely during all the Shinee performances, and speaking of Shinee, Minho, Key, and Jonghyun were fucking insane. They were jumping all over the place and so incredibly enthusiastic, and OMG I was so fucking afraid for them every time the harness came down. I was like "OH MY GOD PLEASE BE SAFE PLEASE BE SAFE." I remember how there were some technical difficulties with Changmin's harness and he wasn't able to get it off right away, and he sort of threw his hands up like "FUCK THIS SHIT, WHAT AM I GONNA DO" but thankfully it was all good. But back to Shinee. I was so happy that they all came over to my section and waved because that's what I was constantly hoping for during every one of the performances. They all looked fabulous and the dancing was great and everything was just sunshinee and rainbows just like Ryeowook who was so adorable and all shy and cutie pie. He's my fave in SJ, and it was bad enough with Shinee, then I started tearing my hair out when KRY started singing Sorry, Sorry, and i was like OMG RYEOWOOK!!! PLEASE COME HERE!!! HE FINALLY did at the end, which I'm very happy about. Kyuhyun looked good, too, and how adorable was the Seokyu duet? I was like AAAHHH when Seohyun appeared. She looked like a goddess, so beautiful. Yesung has a really powerful voice, and man does he get into it when he sings. Donghae is a fine-ass mother fucker, FINE AS FUCK. I was hoping they would perform No Other, but I loved Don't Don! How bad-ass were Zhoumi and Henry! I wish I could've seen them more b/c they are great! OMG SNSD!!!! OMG SUNNY WITH HER WIG!!! UUUNNNGHHH! It was so fucking glorious in real life, as they all were. They were so adorable with their introductions, their performances were on point, I want to hug each and every one of them. Almost all of them waved to my section. FUCK YEAH! And OMG I was nearly dying with anticipation for DBSK, and when they came out with those harnesses, I was like...THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS FEELING. Changmin's hair was a mess but they both looked so hot. Yunho is so fierce and charismatic, and I swear Changmin got some crazy eyes going on there, but he's so fucking cute, I can't. Seriously, this is a mess of an entry, but it was so overwhelming. I was standing for the majority of the performances, waving my hands and screaming enthusiastically in ways I never thought I would have done.

Yeah....now everything seems gray and lifeless....lol j/k. But if I ever get another chance I will fucking save up all the money I can to get some GA seating, and oh how I wish I had been there a few days before to see them ride the tour bus. I think I would've been even worse than I was at the show lol.

Jun. 2nd, 2011

wordpress blog!

 Hey guys! Guess what? I started up a wordpress blog for the purpose of sharing some poetry and fiction with the world. As of this moment, I have nothing up, but I will soon! It's a working progress, and your comments and suggestions would be really appreciated =D

http://withoutinspiration.wordpress.com

May. 18th, 2011

school's out!

 So last week I finished my first year at college, and I did much better than I expected to! Now I'm just hoping i got that internship w/ Poets & Writers, Inc. that I applied for in April. I still haven't gotten a reply back and I don't know how much more of my parents' nagging I can take before I explode. I miss summer when I didn't have to worry about internships and looking good for employers and my future career. And is it possible to have a FREE writing workshop or is that just too much to ask for? (Yes, I know, it's too much to ask for). To be honest, I'm not so sure I want to be a writer of novels anymore. I enjoyed my poetry class and I find poetry more interesting and fun than I used to. I love watching spoken word artists and I'm wondering if maybe instead of becoming a novelist, I can become a poet aside from the 9 to 5 stable, puts-the-roof-over-your-head-and-food-in-your-mouth job.
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Dec. 5th, 2010

Free and Equal

DISCLAIMER: This little piece is not real at all. It is entirely made up, but was inspired, in part, by a movie, Human Trafficking.

I was 17 when I first traveled to Miami, Florida. Before that, I had not seen the world. I listened to an old man strumming away at his guitar. I listened to him sing of freedom, justice, and equality. I listened to him tell me, "You young people don't know how lucky you have it, living in this free world today, not knowing how hard we had to work towards it. You don't know how lucky you are to be a kid."

I listened to him tell me all this, and I did not say a word. I kept my mouth shut, kept my lips locked. I wanted to tell him that at the age of 9, my parents gave me away to a man for money, that I was thrown into the back of a truck, blindfolded, traveled for days just to end up in the dark, dank basement of a five-star hotel. I wanted to uncurl my fists to show him the blisters, the raw palms, the calloused fingers. I wanted to tell him that these battered hands had scrubbed ceramic plates until they shined, cleaned granite counter tops until they sparkled, washed dirty toilets until they glistened. I wanted to tell him that I did all that for no pay, no compliments, no rest, no relaxation. I wanted to show him the welts on my back, the scars, the bruises, each scar and each bruise weaving, overlapping, interlocking to form a journey that still takes me back to those days when I was whipped for not saying "Sir."

I wanted to tell him that at age 13, I was dragged to a bedroom in the back of the basement of that five-star hotel, that I was stripped in the presence of men, my childhood, my innocence, my integrity, my dignity stripped away, trampled and spit on. I wanted to tell him that after that, I did not feel anymore, that every time after that I was stripped and broken and penetrated, I would close my eyes and shut down my brain and not feel anything.

I wanted to tell him that even now, even in safety, that when I look out my bedroom window, I don't see the sun shine or hear the wind blow or listen to the birds sing. I still hear the fists of children beating against prison doors. I still hear the cries of little girls and little boys. I still see their eyes devoid of life, of hope, of dreams.

I wanted to tell him that until the voices of those who are still unheard, still beaten, still stripped, still trampled, still spit on, until those voices are heard, until their stories are told, until their aspirations become a reality, this world will never be free, will never be equal.

Nov. 17th, 2010

Boo yah!

I got all my courses for the Spring 2011 semester. Hell yeah! I was so nervous, but now that it's finally over, I don't have to worry. Yay! Although I feel like I might fall asleep in some of my classes (i.e. Earth Systems, but it satisfies the Science Requirement and I didn't particularly like anything else and the course I wanted, Social Evolution, was closed, so it's all good). I have a 2 hr 55 min. class on sat. morning (O_O) but i think i can adjust. It's a class on 20th century grotesque literature and it sounds seriously awesome so i didn't want to pass up the opportunity. other than that, i'm pretty satisfied in my choices, i picked out some new stuff, so we'll see what happens. maybe i'll like it, may be i won't, but it doesn't hurt to try.
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Oct. 1st, 2010

Humanity

We are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just want to be whole

-Paramore: We are Broken-

Where are you humanity? Are you hiding behind closed doors? Are you smothered and suffocating beneath the violence and intolerance and hatred and prejudice? Are you afraid to expose yourself, to stand up for what you believe in because you don't want to be kicked and beat down? Are you terrified of the shame and ridicule? Do not hide. Do not be afraid. Never think you are alone. There are people who will shoot you with arrows poisoned with words so hurtful and vitriolic it burns you. There are people who do nothing, who turn the other cheek and walk away from you as you lie on the ground, helpless. There are people who will join in the ridicule, who will laugh at you and point their fingers at you because they are fearful of being outcasted. And then there are others. There is that person who will help you off the ground and hold your hand and walk with you through the crowd. There is that person who will be hurt and stabbed and humiliated and teased alongside you. And through the storm, their grip will never slacken. No matter how long it takes for the faith and compassion and tolerance and love to rise up and eradicate those monsters, they will be here for you. They will teach you to be brave and to be proud and they will teach you that you are beautiful and that you do not need to be afraid. You may hurt and bleed and cry, but you do not have to do it alone because there will always be someone by your side to help you, to heal you, to tell you that they love you.

Sep. 16th, 2010

creative writing stuff

The sun-kissed breath of moonlight embraces the dark night, a night drenched in inkly black, littered, just here and there, with tiny pinpricks of starlight. The air is alive with the glow of fireflies and the sweet smell of daisies. Two lovers dance to the smooth rhythm of the saxophone, to the beautiful melody of the piano. Their fingers intertwine, and they glide across the floor, almost effortlessly. He whispers to her, his playful voice tickling her ear. She tilts her head back, her neck arching gracefully, and emits a polite tinkle of laughter. But it is not just their bodies that move to the music. It is their eyes, their hearts, their souls, dancing to the same sensual melody that only lovers know. For this one night, they forget about their spouses. They forget about the screaming and yelling, shattered glass and slammed doors, and they just dance.

Sep. 14th, 2010

friendship

Sometimes, you need to spend A LOT of time with a supposed friend to realize that they are really not that much of a friend. Ignorance rears its ugly head the more and more you talk, and they start to look not so nice, not so open-minded. It's an annoying thing to have to tell your friends, time and time again, "Don't say that, it's racist" or "Don't say that because...". You think to yourself, "For fuck's sake, why am I friends with them?" But you know that the more and more you try to teach them those things, the more and more you guys become like strangers. Soon, your face will be unrecognizable. There is no fun in meeting up. To them, it will be like treading on broken glass, a waste of time. Soon...you will be alone.
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Jul. 24th, 2010

leadership quest

I went to a leadership quest program for four days at Rutgers University. I was nervous at first, but I ended up meeting some really nice people and making some really cool friends. It was, overall, a great experience, and I honestly wouldn't have minded staying one or two more days. We built balloon castles the first day (our team's got very close but started popping for no reason at all =/) we also had a leadership skills workshop and a discussion on diversity, which i liked a lot. I like talking about diversity. Each group also had to do a presentation in front of the deans, which was scary, but we got through it. And even though we didn't win, it brought me closer to some of my teammates. There was a ropes course that we did, and some rockwall climbing (which i sucked at), and we did some gardening for Elijah's Promise. i think the most fun parts were playing mafiah with the other LQ students or simply talking to people over breakfast or lunch. I met one girl who loves k-pop just like I do. it's a small, small world =P. In any case, i hope i can keep in touch with these people and remain good friends with my high school friends as well.
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Jul. 18th, 2010

(no subject)

today, I am going on a four-day leadership quest program at Rutgers University. There will be ice-breaker activities, athletic courses, arts and crafts, dinner with the deans, a movie, etc. But even though it should be no big deal, I'm nervous. I'm nervous about meeting new people and making friends. I think that's my biggest worry. But maybe I should relax and take it all in stride.

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